Your cute daughter wants to be Taylor Swift for Halloween? Here are 14 easy steps to make a cute Taylor Swift dress for her!
STEP ONE: Dress seven children, fix their hair, change three diapers, wipe four noses, find 15 shoes, load everyone into the van, and drive to Walmart.
STEP TWO: Find a “country pop star” dress in the Halloween section. It is cheaply and poorly made and it costs $20.
STEP THREE: Convince yourself that you can manage to sew something nicer than that! Nevermind that you have only sewn one blanket, one quilt top (the actual quilt was never finished), and a set of beanbags in the last ten years. Surely you can sew a dress, right? Right!
STEP FOUR: Buy cute sparkly fabric. Splurge on matching shoes because you are saving so much money by making this dress yourself.
STEP FIVE: Overconfidence gives way to a feeling of nervous foreboding. In a panic, write a facebook status update asking for help from anyone who knows how to sew. Nervously check back every 15 minutes for responses.
STEP SIX: Resolve to do this alone. Watch youtube sewing videos. Feel more confused than ever. Check facebook again.
STEP SEVEN: Stay up all night working on the dress. Sketch, measure, create a little pattern. Cut, fold, cut some more. Cut, cut, cut. Oops. Why is everything so crooked?? Measure, measure, cut, cut. How can this be so crooked???
STEP EIGHT: After working for several hours and only making things much, much worse, it’s time for a good cry. Sob for a while. Go ahead and laugh when your 5-year-old (who is up way, way past his bedtime) notices your tears, sits down beside you and sympathetically sighs, “Mom, I thought you would have learned how to do this by now…” Laugh at how cute he is. Then cry ’cause he’s right.
STEP NINE: Go to bed with puffy eyes. Dream about sewing dresses.
STEP TEN: In the morning, on a great tip from your sister, run to Costco. Find a darling dress, cute and sparkly and very “Taylor Swift-ish.” Smile as your nine-year-old holds it up to herself and grins with delight. It even has a cute little jacket so she can use it after Halloween too! And best of all, it’s only $18 dollars!
STEP ELEVEN: Pay $50 to renew Costco membership. Pay $18 for the dress.
STEP TWELVE: Ask daughter if she is happy with her costume. Cry when she says yes.
STEP THIRTEEN: Feel proud that you saved money because this dress was $2 less (and much cuter) than the first dress you found. Then realize that you also spent $10 on fabric, $10 on shoes, $5 on a wig, and $50 on a Costco membership in order to get the second dress. Try not to think about that…
STEP FOURTEEN: Feel relieved because your daughter has a Taylor Swift costume that she loves. Feel happy because she is so happy. Vow to never, ever attempt to sew again.