I felt very sick last week, much worse than I had in the few weeks previous. I hoped that it was just a fluke. Or that I had a lingering version of the flu bug that marched through the rest of the family last week.
Now I think I’ve simply settled into a new low for morning sickness.
Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty… guilty over everything I can’t do, guilty because my family deals with the consequences of my sick tummy.
Mommy feels sick all day long lately. So the laundry and dishes are somewhat neglected, the house is generally in some degree of disarray, the kids frequently spend all day in pajamas, and the TV is on too much.
I’ve cut our homeschool schedule back to basics, letting go of a few subjects in the hopes that the remaining subjects will not be neglected. It’s still a struggle though. Our daily schedule involves a school-heavy morning so that the kids can enjoy freetime and sports in the evenings and even with a reduced schedule there is a lot to do. Between five schooling children (preschool through 4th grade) and two babies, there is a lot to juggle every day. So we try to get reading, math, grammar, and Latin in for the older kids and reading, writing, grammar, and math for the younger ones…
The kids are good at rolling with things. No one seems to mind our new daily normal. Brenna and Joshua have loved to cook for years so they really enjoy the mornings that I ask them to make breakfast. They are experts at making pancakes, eggs, oatmeal, and toast and this really helps on the mornings that I don’t want to move for a while. They also help with babies and little ones as needed (this is something they truly love) and they are pretty good about helping with chores too (this is something they don’t enjoy). I am thankful for their extra hands and their willingness to help. I’m also thankful that they seem so happy with our current arrangement. They always seem to enjoy extra responsibility when it is thrust upon them.
This past year we got into several carpools so that helps with getting kids to different activities, and with Rick’s new (as of nearly a year ago) work schedule he is available in the evenings to get our boys to wrestling practice. So, thankfully, I have less running around to do than I used to.
I will say that I like how morning sickness slows things down so much. It’s easy to get lost in a to do list and forget about the things that matter. I find that when I am sick, our days move at a slower pace. I usually have more time for snuggling and quiet talks. The less critical tasks get dropped all together until only the most important things remain. Really, there are few things that truly matter… Husband, children, and spiritual things rise to the top of the list.
Amid the queasy tummy and the neglected household tasks, there is still that warmth inside me, that gratitude for a precious new baby. Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT addicted to having babies. I don’t really get “baby hungry.” Instead, I long for another soul to join us, another precious and unique person added to our family, another beautiful spirit beginning a mortal journey. I enjoy being a part of Heavenly Father’s divine plan for His children. I love the miracle of it all. I am thankful for my tiny role in something so sacred and profound.
Perhaps we are having another girl. I feel much more sick than I did with all of our boys (Asher being the only exception to that). With the boys, I felt good and could eat anything. Usually I ate several different dinners because I couldn’t decide which one sounded best. Now, nothing sounds good. I force food and water down when I can, but I don’t ever really want it. Now I don’t eat dinner at all because I can’t decide on something that sounds tolerable. It reminds me of how I felt when I was pregnant with Maddie… only I think it might be worse this time…
Wow, a little girl after all this time would be amazing. We’ve had four little boys all in a row and we have five incredible sons all together. It has been almost eight years since we have had a baby girl around! Maddie will be eight years old this summer, with her birthday just a month after this baby is due to arrive. (That is a whole ‘nother tangent though because I can’t believe that my baby girl will be baptized in just over six months from now!)
Years ago, when I was pregnant with Asher, I bought some sweet, tiny baby girl things. We didn’t know what we were having, but they were on sale and oh-so-cute so I grabbed them just in case. I only bought two things- a little summer outfit and a darling little summer dress. Of course, our July baby turned out to be a precious boy and those two outfits have been hanging in the closet ever since. I’ve just never bothered to pack them away. Maybe this little June bug will get a chance to wear them.
Of course, we do have amazing sons so another boy would be an incredible blessing as well.
I am hopeful that as I enter my second trimester (around Christmas) I’ll start to feel better! I’m hoping that our homeschooling especially will go off without a morning sickness hitch next semester. And I can’t believe that glorious second trimester is just weeks away!!
So, to sum it all up… The Mommy is sick. The house is a mess. Life is so good.