Baby Love

I’ve been thinking about pregnancy tests today. Ha, ha, don’t ask! Anyway, I’ve been thinking about pregnancy tests and remembering so clearly the day I took a nice, positive pregnancy test at the start of each of my pregnancies.

When Rick and I were first married, we planned to wait before adding children to our home. Rick was in college and we were poor and it didn’t make financial sense to have a baby right away. But very quickly I started to feel that it was right to have a baby. I still remember how intense that longing was because I have never felt anything so consuming. Rick was harder to convince, but I still remember the warm, Sunday afternoon when he told me that he too was ready for a baby. We began to try immediately. I took a test too early and it came out negative. I was so disappointed, but we agreed to wait one more week. I remember that second test so clearly. I took it in the middle of the night, unable to wait any longer. I still remember the specific pajamas I was wearing. As soon as I took the test, I ran from the bathroom and curled up on our couch. I was afraid to look. Rick stayed in the bathroom and came down a minute later. I still remember the way his stunning blue eyes brimmed with tears as he gathered me into his arms and whispered that there were two pink lines.

With Joshua, I knew I was pregnant even before I tested. I absolutely, completely, 100% just KNEW. And I was sure it was a boy. We were coming home from Brenna’s four-month check-up and decided to stop at the store for a pregnancy test. I took it as soon as we got home. Rick, Brenna, and I all crowded into our tiny bathroom and watched as that beautiful second line instantly appeared. Rick and I both started to cry- wonderful, happy, grateful tears- and we hugged each other tightly, holding Brenna in the middle of our embrace. I remember thinking that with Brenna tucked in between us and a new baby growing inside of me, we were already a family of four.

It was a cold day in mid December when I took a pregnancy test with Madalyn. The test was negative and I was crushed. I’d been so certain that I was pregnant! But 30 minutes later I dug that pregnancy test out of the trash and checked it again. There was a very faint line! I slipped the test into my pocket, bundled up my my two little babies, and we hurried across the wet grass of our apartment complex to my best friend’s apartment. She eagerly inspected my test and agreed that there was indeed a line there. Three days later, Rick brought home pizza, sparkling cider, and another home pregnancy test. I took another positive test and then we sat together in the glow of our Christmas tree lights and toasted our new baby with sparkling cider.

My next three pregnancy tests are not as pleasant to remember because all three of those pregnancies ended in miscarriage. But those losses just made my pregnancy with Braden even sweeter and more precious! I had bloodwork done the day my period was due. The bloodwork showed that I had 0 HCG. The test was completely negative and we assumed I was not pregnant. Two weeks later, when my period still had not arrived, we decided to take another pregnancy test. Rick was putting the kids to bed, snuggling and reading them stories when I went to take the test. It was an instant positive, so fast and so dark that it took my breathe away! I burst into tears and ran into the other room. I threw myself into Rick’s arms and we both cried… and then had to explain to our concerned children that we were crying happy tears. That little egg implanted very, very late, which was why the bloodwork was negative even though I was pregnant at that time. I am still amazed that, with such late implantation, we didn’t lose him too. And I am so, so grateful that we didn’t!

This sweet baby was conceived after 18 months of wanting a baby and over a year of actively trying. We visited family for Thanksgiving and I was really feeling pregnant. The smells of Thanksgiving dinner bothered me tremendously. I felt hot and queasy. On the drive home I desperately craved a mushroom, swiss burger without the bun. I was nervous to believe that I might be pregnant, especially after so many months of waiting and several false alarms. But all the signs were there. When we got home, I worked up my courage and took a test. It was very, very positive, and it was the earliest I’d ever gotten a positive test. What strong emotions there were for me then, as I stared in amazement at that beautiful positive test. I was so grateful and I instantly I knew the waiting was worth it. Here is the link to My Miracle, the blog entry I wrote that day… http://withasmile.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/my-miracle/

I am so grateful for each of these precious babies of mine!