Rocking Braden

We’ve been so busy lately and the kids have been getting to bed so late every night, that it’s been a little while since I’ve rocked Braden before bedtime. But tonight, struck by how rapidly he’s growing up and by how soon I will have a new baby, I took the time to rock him.

We settled into my rocking chair, the same one that I’ve rocked all my babies in. Braden rested heavily against my round tummy, with his little face tucked beneath the curve of my jaw. I could feel his warm breath and the soft flutter of his eyelashes against my neck. I watched as he twisted Mister Bear’s dingy red bow around and around in his tiny fingers, a falling-asleep routine that has always soothed him. I admired his tiny, perfect toes and smelled the sweetness of his head. I held him close to me, felt his warmth and weight against my chest and cherished the miracle of each breath he took. I willed myself to remember my baby this way, tiny and warm and secure in my embrace.

I have spent many, many hours rocking babies and small children in this rocking chair. And still I am always amazed at how the world just seems to stand still as I rock my precious ones. During these sweet moments, there seems to be nothing else in the world except for a mommy, a baby, and the gentle, rhythmic glide of a rocking chair.

Alarm Clock

The kids love the Fourth of July and have been looking forward to it since last year. Knowing that the big day is now only a week away, Joshua asked me, “Will you wake me up for the Fourth of July to make sure I don’t miss it?” 

Family Fun

On Thursday we enjoyed a day at the zoo. Even though this was our third zoo trip in the past month, we still saw new things and learned about new animals. We saw black bears (they’d been hiding away on both of our previous visits) and we watched the cougars being fed (yikes, it was actually scary!) and the monkeys were all more active than usual. Brenna used her spending money to buy a pen with four different color options. Joshua bought a tiny alligator that grows when placed in water. Because Maddie has very little money to spend, we bought her a 50 cent alligator. It’s only an inch long and Madalyn is in love. She named her Pinkie Pie. We had a great time at the zoo.

After the zoo, we headed home and decided to check out a new children’s amusement park. We’ve watched it slowly being built over the last several months (we can see it every time we drive by on the freeway) and it finally opened this week. We were very excited by what we found when we finally wandered around the park. Unlike most amusement parks, the entire place was geared towards tiny kids, less than 54 inches tall. Brenna and Joshua could ride every single ride and Maddie could ride with a grown-up accompanying her.

It was 7pm, but the park was open until midnight and everything looked like so much fun. We had intended to just LOOK around, but decided to buy passes and stay. The kids were thrilled. It was a perfect time of day. The park wasn’t crowded and there were no lines to stand in. It was hot and sunny when we arrived at 7:00, but it quickly began to cool off to a nice, comfortable temperature. I was especially glad about that!

 We all had a blast at the amusement park. We literally ran from ride to ride, with the kids giggling and squealing in great delight. There were quite a few rides, including a tiny roller coaster, race cars, bumper boats, a “free fall” drop ride, even a swinging boat ride (think a miniature version of Pirates of the Carribean at Disneyland), all geared towards little kids.

It was hilarious to watch everyone ride the bumper boats! Rick and Maddie rode together and Brenna and Josh each drove their own boats. They all got soaking wet, especially Rick and Josh. Braden stood with me next to the pool and watched. He kept giggling and pointing and shouting “Oh, Dada wet! Joshy wet! Kids wet!” Rick had to dry out the contents of his wallet after we got home!

Another big hit was the roller coaster. Brenna was a little shocked by the first ride and the look on her face made me nervous that she’d be sick. But she felt more secure on the second ride. The roller coaster ended up being a big hit with all three kids (and even Daddy) and they rode it again and again and again. Braden loved watching and he nearly jumped out of my arms each time it roared past us.

Rick and I had a great laugh when the kids rode the race cars. Maddie was too small to drive and there was only one seat in each car so she couldn’t ride as a passenger either. She was disappointed, but rode on the planes instead and enjoyed that. The older kids were hilarious as they drove, and we really got to see their personalities shine. Brenna, with her more cautious personality, puttered along as slowly as a little old lady. Joshua floored his car the entire time. He zipped around like crazy, lapping Brenna repeatedly. He actually maintained great control as he flew around the race course. Several people commented about how fast he was going and how well he was driving. Rick and I just couldn’t stop laughing as we watched our kids because it their driving styles were “classic Brenna” and “classic Joshua.” And we joked that we will really be in trouble when our pedal-to-the-medal Josh gets his driver’s license!

Joshua also loved the rock wall. It was about 30 feet high and definitely not geared towards young children. There was nothing easy about it at all. But Joshua has wanted to climb a rock wall ever since he saw the one at the rec center near our home and he was determined to give it a try. Joshy scaled the wall like a pro. We were amazed and impressed. It was incredible to watch such a tiny kid climb so high so fast. He rang the bell at the top and then rapelled back down the wall like he did such things on a daily basis. He came off the wall with an enormous grin on his cute face. The employee who was managing the wall said that kids who are much older than Josh don’t even climb as well as he did. Joshua beamed.

We played putt-putt golf and the kids rode every ride at least twice. There were several rides (like the rollercoaster) that they rode over and over again. The sun set and the sky grew dark. There is something magical about a warm summer night spent in the glow of amusement park lights. I loved watching my kids come alive with delight over each ride. I loved being there together, making wonderful memories.

Finally, around 11pm we left for home. We fed the kids a light snack and then stayed up even later and played our new karaoke Wii game together. It was the first time we’d played it and we really enjoyed it. Brenna did incredibly well. I was amazed at her ability to read the words and follow the melody on songs that she’d never even heard before. She got a lot of really high scores and did great. Joshy doesn’t read as well as Brenna does and Madalyn doesn’t read at all so the game was harder for both of them, but they still enjoyed playing. It was nearly 1am before we put anyone to bed! But sometimes a great family memory is worth nixing a normal bedtime.

I’ve been ignoring all of my pregnancy cravings in an effort to save money. But Friday- at Rick’s insistence- we indulged my recent IHOP craving. As usual we had a great time eating out together.

Afterwards we went to a parade for an annual event in our town. We got a great spot, right next to a parking spot and  next to the park so the kids could play while we waited. We enjoyed snow cones to help us cool off. The kids enjoyed watching the parade and especially loved dashing out to scoop up candy as it was thrown.

After the parade we hurried home and played our karaoke game again. I took an ice cold bath. We let the kids have a movie night while Rick gave me a back rub and we watched TV together.

On Saturday there’s another parade and a family fun day in the park. We’re planning to attend both. It will be a great way to round out our fun weekend.

Ice Bath

We’ve had several busy, long, hot days in a row (more on that in another post) and this evening I found myself sick, exhausted, and overheated. While Rick got the kids into pajamas, I decided that I would benefit greatly from a cool bath. I turned the water on ice cold. It was so freezing cold that I had to go in slowly, an inch at a time. I felt like I was dipping into an icy lake and it felt great!

35 Weeks

I’ve passed my 35-week mark. Baby is still flipping around way too much to make me comfortable. At this late in the game, I’d rather have him settle head down and stay there… before he runs out of room and is unable to turn again. But he is doing really well, with a nice healthy heartbeat. That’s always nice to know.

I am dilated 1cm. I was 2.5cm at 35 weeks with Braden and he was born just a few days later. So being just 1cm makes me think that labor isn’t as close as it was last time. But it also lets me know that things are moving in the right direction overall.

Dreams

I have had so many vivid dreams about this baby. Most of them are about his delivery… he always comes quickly (in my dreams) and I deliver him myself before any medical help has a chance to arrive. And he always looks SO darling! He has the sweetest face in my dreams! I still remember so vividly the first dream I had about him. We hadn’t had our ultrasound yet and I was fully expecting that we’d have a girl considering how extreme my morning sickness was. But in my dream, after I delivered this precious baby, I was shocked to see that he was a boy. I think I said something along the lines of, “YOU’RE not a girl!” I was instantly in love. And I remember thinking in the dream that he looked like an Asher.

Anyway, my most recent dream was different. It did not involve this baby’s actual delivery as most of my other dreams have. Instead, I was at the hospital in hard, heavy labor. I knew that this was “it.” The doctor checked me, but then refused to tell me how far dilated I was! He said that he wanted it to be a surprise for me when the baby came! He acted as if he was brilliant to think of such an amazing surprise. I was so frusterated! Here I was in very active labor and I wanted to know what was happening and how close we were. But the doctor just grinned and refused to tell me anything. I was so annoyed! 

Even though I was upset in the dream, I woke up thinking that it was funny to dream that. And- as I always do- I wondered what that dream might mean. I think that maybe it reflects my apprehension over the unknown with this delivery. There are several “unknowns” this time.

A big unknown for me is the delivery date. Of course, this is an unknown for most pregnant women. But my situation involves the very real possibility of another baby arriving too early. I am in a really critical time right now, just a few days short of when I delivered Braden. I feel a strange combination of nervousness and determination as I work towards my after-36-week goal. So not knowing if I will deliver a preemie or make it to full-term is a big, concerning unknown for me.

I also am delivery at a new hospital, with a new doctor. I haven’t toured the hospital and I don’t feel like I know my doctor at all. I knew what to expect at my old hospital, with my old OB. But that’s not the case this time.

A very big unknown for me is what will happen with our older children when I deliver. With our other babies, we lived just 20 minutes from my parents house. When I went into labor, it was very easy to call them or drop the kids off. Even before I checked into the hospital, I knew that my babies were settled and safe and having a blast with their grandparents. I always missed my babies, but I never, ever worried about them. 

We’ve moved out of state since we had Braden so this time our “child care” is kind of up in the air. My brother and sister-in-law live about 45 minutes north of us and have agreed to watch our kids when I deliver. My parents live 6 hours away now and are planning to drive down when I go into labor so they can help with the kids. My neighbor has offered to take care of the kids if we need her. The kids absolutely adore their aunt and uncle and I know they would be safe and happy with them. They also love their grandparents so I know they would be happy with them too. And the kids really enjoy our neighbor and her kids so they’d be fine there as well. But even with all this help, we still don’t have a plan for where our kids will go. It all depends on the time of day or night, how far into labor I am, etc. If it’s daytime it would be easy to drop the kids off with Mike and Heidi (aunt and uncle). But in the middle of the night, it would be hard to wake the kids and cart everyone 45-minutes north. If I’m in the very early stages of labor I might be able to stay at home until my parents arrive. But 6 hours is a long time to wait, even with my history of long labors. So we just have to play it by ear. I would much prefer to have a plan and know for sure where the kids will be. But for now, this is another unknown.

So I think that is WHY I dreamt that dream. Maybe it’s my way of processing the unknowns about this delivery. But in all honesty, I feel pretty secure. I know that this baby is in Heavenly Father’s hands so even if he comes early I feel he will be protected. I also know that every hospital is basically the same and that the doctor only arrives for the grand finale anyway. And (even though I don’t know exactly where the kids will be when I deliver) I DO know that they will be loved and safe and happy with Aunt Heidi and Uncle Mike, Nammy and Papa, or our neighbor and her family. So really, all of my “unknowns” aren’t too scary or hard to deal with.

I am excited to meet this little guy! I just cannot wait to hold him in my arms… finally!  This baby has been a long time in coming. I’ts been two years since I wanted another baby, we tried to conceive for over a year, we dealt with a really difficult pregnancy. And now here we are! My 36-week goal is just 8 days away. I would love to make it a little past that and get closer to 37 or 38 weeks. But it is amazing to think of how close we really are!

Passing the Blame

Braden’s messy diaper was particularly pungent this evening; I could smell it from the other room. I called Braden to me and asked him if he was stinky. Braden grinned slyly at me. He pointed to his beloved teddy bear and assured me (with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes), “No. Bear stinky. Bear stinky.” 

Braden’s Animals

Braden is obsessed with animals. He’s been this way for a while so he was thrilled when my parents gave him a box of little animals for his birthday. He carries the box around the house (it has a convenient little handle) and is possessive of each animal inside it. He loves to open the box and name each animal one by one. These animals simply delight him!

Braden and Baby

I think Braden will be a good big brother. I picture Braden and Baby being good buddies as they grow up, our little “dynamic duo.” I can just imagine them together! Braden has developed a love for the dolls in our house and is very sweet and gentle with them. He still kisses my tummy and points to it when we ask where the baby is. He now he sweetly says “baby brother” as well, which is adorable! So I think that he’ll do pretty well when the baby arrives.

But Braden IS a two-year-old. He thinks the world is his and he doesn’t like to share. So I wonder how the initial transition from “baby” to “big brother” will go for him. I could see Braden being fine with the baby because he’s too little to take any toys. I could also see Braden being upset because he has to share his Mama more than ever. I could also see Braden being extremely possessive of the baby… After all, everything else in the world is HIS so why not the baby too?

None of the kids have EVER dealt with new baby anxiety. They were all so young when the next baby arrived that I don’t think they knew how to be jealous. Braden is older than our other kids were though. If he DOES have trouble with the transition, it will be completely new territory for us. But overall, I think he will adjust and do well. I am trying to prepare him and reassure him, and I am praying that all goes well. I am sure it will.

16 Years

For about a week Joshua has been asking- always out of the blue- “Mommy, has it been 16 years?” When I ask what he means, he always rephrases his question with, “Is it 16 years now?” When I am still confused, he rephrases, “Do you have 16 years now?” These questions have baffled me. I have had no idea what my son was asking me!

Today Joshua asked all three questions again. I responded in confusion again, trying to understand what he really meant. And he finally explained, “Well, Braden is 2, Maddie is 3, I am 5, and Brenna is 6… So do you have 16 years? Is it 16 years?”

Finally, finally, finally I understood and told him that those ages did add up to 16. He smiled, seeming happy to finally have his questions answered. Then he added, “Soon it will be 17 years because Maddie will be 4.”